this was her purpose
by holbyclover
Summary: im not very good at summaries without giving it all away so this wont be very detaild. it is janny centered but with mentions of other charactars. the situation with janny is the same where jac does see emma. please read and review it is very much appreciated haha. i hope you like it!
1. Chapter 1

**HEYY! I STARTED WRIGHTING THIS FIC 3 MABY 4 WEEKS AGO IN MY DRAUGHT BOOK AND I JUST WANT TO APOLOGISE TO STEPHHOLBY BECAUSE IT TAKES A SIMELAR TURN BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD WRIGHT IT UP ANYWAY BECAUSE I HAVE SPENT QUITE A WHILE ON IT SO I AM VERY SORRY TO YOU AS WELL AS THE READERS INCASE IT GETS A BIT FAMILIAR. IF ANYONE PREFERS ME NOT TO WRIGHT IT THEN YOU CAN TELL ME BUT IF YOU DO YOU SHOULD ALSO TELL ME. ANYWAY I WILL STOP BABBALING ON AND GT ON WITH IT I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! **

This was starting to become a regular thing. Ever since her first birthday had passed 4 months ago she was beginning to become a more and more restless sleeper and harder to settle as well as not making the expected development she should be making. It was a miracle when she became 1 and her birthday was the best the parents could afford as no one thought she would actually live this long and now her next goal was to make it to her second. If she got to school age that would be marvellous, going through the gateway to a better chance of reaching adulthood. Although her mother was not entirely on the scene they still saw each other often. You could tell the young infant loved seeing her mother and although she was discreet you could see a change in the adult's behaviour when she was around her child.

Jonny was jolted out of his thoughts as Emma let out another loud cry of pain in his arms. He cooed her while rocking the little girl. She had started sleeping through the night not long after Jac had returned from Sweden but recently that had all changed.

"Shhh sh sh sh sh. Everything is ok. Daddy's here" the exhausted father spoke softly to the child.

"Please Emma, just go to sleep" he looked up to the ceiling willing his daughter to settle down. Jonny walked over to the chair tucked away at the side of the pastel pink room just next to the window. He checked his watch just to rule out one reason why Emma was awake. Jac had got Emma into a, not bad but quite annoying, routine teaching the child to wake up early and watch the sunrise with any occupant of the house. But it was one in the morning, why was Emma awake?

The father looked down at his daughter when he felt her stop fidgeting. He sat in the chair for a little while longer making sure she wouldn't wake up before getting slowly to his feet and placing his child into the small, white cot. Jonny padded down the hall quietly and into his own bedroom, where he pulled back the covers, got in the bed and fell to sleep almost instantly without covering himself with the quilt.

The next morning Jonny woke up as the light seeping through the curtains had intruded into his sleep. He wasn't at work today so he closed his eyes again, hoping to get a bit more sleep before Emma would wake him up again with her ear-piercing screech and flailing arms, begging to be held. He sat up suddenly, Emma! Emma hadn't woken up yet, she always woke up at sunrise but the sun had already risen. No it was probably because she has been waking up at night again, Jonny reasoned. But as he tried to get back to sleep, he couldn't stop his mind from wondering to his daughter. It kept niggling at him, so he huffed and got up stiffly. His toes sank into the freshly laid carpet as he stepped further towards where his daughter slept, it was a nice feeling he had never really noticed before.

The scot entered the room to find his little girl sleeping contentedly in her cot. He walked up to her and started to stroke her head where only a little bit of thick hair spouted from her scalp. He brought his hands up to his face trying to rub away the sleep, but as he did a rather large amount of auburn hair came with them. He stopped. He stared, his face riddled with confusion, as the hair floated gently onto the light colour carpet. He picked Emma up out of her cot and attempted to wake her up.

"Emma" he said softly

"Emma" he repeated with a bit more urgency

"Emma!" he spoke her name louder shaking her slightly, silently begging her to wail or scream. Anything. He was becoming desperate now. He ran into his room and placed his child on the bed. He threw on a pair of old jeans and an crumpled top. Rushing down stairs as quick as his legges would carry him, he strapped Emma into her grey car seat with ralph the pig, grabbed his keys and drove a little over the speed limit to get to the hospital only slowing down past the police camera. The nurse he was and all the medical training and experience leaving him instantaneously.

As soon as he parked the car he got out as fast as he could and ran with Emma, in her seat, to the main entrance of the hospital. He didn't wait for the lift, no, that would take too long. In a blind panic he culdnt go any faster sprinting up the stairs, as his muscles burned with the weight he was carrying.

"MO!" He yelled as he ran towards the nurses' station. "Where's Jac" he asked breathlessly. He didnt wait to hear the answer as he muttered under his breath. He barged through the door, almose breaking the handle in the proses.

"Jonny!" the bumbling professor greeted cheerfully. Then his gaze moved to the baby in the car seat. He made the connection quickly, glancing from Jonny to Emma and listening to Jonny's request of

"Where's Jac?" he pleaded

"In theatre. What's wrong with Emma?" Elliot asked his voice full of concern

"I-i- i don't know, she- she didn't wake up this morning. And she was crying last night. And then I ju- I just…" Jonny stutted unable to speak through the fear for his child as he panted breathlessly, staring at Elliot, his eyes pleading for help.

"Get her into the side bay, we can treat her up here and get a doctor from paeds up here as well" Elliot spoke hurriedly as he walked quickly round the desk and to the side bay on Darwin. Jonny was hot on his heals as he protectively carried his little baby girl.

"Pass me Emma, you need to go and tell Jac." Elliot instructed. Jonny gave a small nod, reluctant to leave his daughter. He walked slowly down to the theatre Jac and Sacha was operating in on a joint GS/CT case. What was he going to say? Would he break it to her softly, or state it bluntly?

"Emma's ill on Darwin" before he could decide he found the words spilling sadly from his lips.

**THANK YOU! I hope you enjoyed it like I wrote at the top- IF ANYONE PREFERS ME NOT TO WRIGHT IT THEN YOU CAN TELL ME BUT IF YOU DO YOU SHOULD ALSO TELL ME. But thank you for reading it. Please tell me your thoughts and HELPFUL L criticism.**


	2. Chapter 2

**HEYY! Thank you for all of your amazing reviews I cannot express into words how great they make me feel. I will try to make my chapters a bit longer but I always get distracted when I start to do research for them, ha ha. I hope you enjoy this chapter and once again please read and review with helpful criticism it really helps my wrighting (and my school grades)!**

"_Pass me Emma, you need to go and tell Jac." Elliot instructed. Jonny gave a small nod, reluctant to leave his daughter. He walked slowly down to the theatre Jac and Sacha was operating in on a joint GS/CT case. What was he going to say? Would he break it to her softly, or state it bluntly?_

"_Emma's ill on Darwin" before he could decide he found the words spilling sadly from his lips._

All faces in the Darwin theatre were planted on Jac and Jonny. Sacha looked over to Jac, checking for her reaction. She stared at the father of her child with no emotion displayed to the blind eye. But Sacha could she was worried, any illness, disease or infection could be fatal for Emma. Jac could tell It was more serious than just him over reacting about a-day-off-nursery kind of ill. His hair was slightly ruffled, his shirt hung over to one side and his trousers weren't held up by a belt. She kept a straight face.

"What do you mean 'she's ill'?" she asked monotonously.

"She is really really ill, I don't know what's wrong with her and she won't wake up" he found it hard to speak as the sobs caught in his thought.

"Right, um-" she looked up at Sacha questioningly. He gave her a small nod knowing the question without words being needed.

"Can you page professor hope please?" he asked a nurse. Jac put down her surgical tools quickly but carefully. She ripped off her gloves, the loud snap ringing through the large room, as she jogged out of the theatre. Together, the two parents ran back to the ward as fast as they could. Even though, in her opinion, Emma was better off without her it didn't mean she didn't care. She loved her daughter and when she was told her baby was ill; her heart sank.

As they reached the double doors to where they worked they slowed down. It suddenly felt alien to the as they walked across past the nurses' station. This must be what it feels like to be the relative, Jac thought. Unlike Jonny who went straight in to the room their daughter laid, Jac hesitated. She stood rooted to the spot. She didn't want to see her baby lying, once again, in a hospital bed.

"Jac?" Jonny spoke softly exiting the room again.

"I can-"she looked him in the eyes to show him she was serious. "This doesn't mean I'm back in her life full time. It still stands; she doesn't need me. I'm only here to make sure she is ok" she said quietly and walked in to see her baby girl. That's exactly why you are a good mum, Jonny thought to himself. Elliot was busy doing Emma's obs, when Jac walked in. he had taken it upon himself to be Emma's doctor. He didn't mind doing a nurses job for Emma, scribbling down her temperature, BP and other obs that needed doing.

"What's wrong with her?" Jac said in little more than a whisper as she stared at her sedated daughter. All she wanted to do was run up and take her baby into her arms and weep for her to be ok, but that would make her vulnerable.

"I don't know I didn't want to do any tests before you were here" Elliot said in his naturally soft voice. The door to the side bay squeaked quietly as it opened. Jac looked round to see who it was and noticing it was Jonny gave him a tiny smile before looking back down to her little girl. It pained every one to see that once again the little girl they cared for was hooked up to wires and tubes and the constant beep of the monitor portraying her condition. But to Jac, seeing her little girl like this; she didn't like it, who would. Your child laying three not a sound, motionless- as if all the life had been dragged out of them.

"Right, can I have the usual tests please- U's & E's, LFT's, bloods etc. thanks you" Elliot said to a nurse that had come up from paeds. The professor had explained the situation that the mother was working in the hospital and won't have time to go all the way up to paeds to see Emma so it would be more convenient, paeds had gladly agreed, partially because they were terrified of the ice-queen and Elliot was highly respected down there.

Elliot placed a fatherly hand on Jac's shoulder as he passed, leaving the room to give the little family time together.

"What were her symptoms?" Jac asked, breaking into the long silence that had descended onto the room. Jonny stepped forward standing next to Jac, they both kept looking at Emma as they spoke.

"Um…well I was stroking her head softly this morning and a massive clump of her hair came out. I was worried so I tried to wake her up but she didn't" he said getting over the shock and now focusing on making sure hi child was ok. Jonny noticed a tear roll down Jac's face, the second one he had seen since they entered the room. He stood himself in front of her taking her hands in his.

"She will be ok, don't worry, she has beaten the odds of the CDH so far and she will get through this as well" he said looking Jac in the eye, something which she did not return. Despite his own worry he still felt the need to comfort Jac. "And she's strong like her mum" he added with a sad laugh. Jac gave a small laugh in response.

"She misses you when you're not around" he stated as he let go of Jac's hands and walked round the bed to and began gently stroking her cheek.

"She's lucky to have you" he looked up "as her mother" he spoke apologetically. He knew it was mostly his fault she left.

"I'm not her mother" she said with no emotion conveying in her voice.

"Yes you are, and a great one at that" he stopped stroking Emma's cheek and took a single step closer Jac.

"Don't" she said determinedly turning her head to look at him. "Don't say I'm a great mother. If you think I'm a good mother then answered me this. Is a good mum someone who leaves her baby for months, one that can't bind, and one that's scared to hold her child, one that can't even give birth properly or feed her baby, who convened with her ex who hated her guts because a young girl died? Event you went back one you words saying that you 'would rather have anyone else in the world as the mother of your child'. You thought that I was so bad that you tried to take her way from me. So don't tell me I'm a good mother unless you can proof all of that to be wrong!" with each sentence her voice raised a tiny bit. Tears were now streaming down her face as she poured all her emotions out into her little speech, and more ere threatening to fall.

"I can't prove all of that wrong" Jonny said as he approached Jac closer and looked into her eyes. "But I can prove that it was my entire fault. You left because me and Paula bullied you, you couldn't bond because you were scared you would lose her. It was nobody's fault that you needed a C-section because that could happen to anyone." He lowered his voice, now only a step away from her. "You_ are the best mother in the world._ Don't let _anyone_, including me, tell you any different. Everything that happened was because of _me not you_ and I never hated your guts I was just annoyed that's all. I am so sorry" he begged his apology.

"When you were pregnant, before bonnie" his voice returned to normal and he repositioned himself, walking over to the chair next to Emma's bed. "You looked so beautiful with a wee bump, it suited you." He looked up at Jac and smiled briefly before looking back down at his hands and continuing. "Everyone knows that I want a house, a wife, and kids. I could honestly see that with you, I wanted it with you. I knew that you would never be my wife but I dint need that. I just wanted to be a family, living together under the same roof and-"he was cut off by Jac. Normally she wouldn't have listened never mind chimed in.

"I gave you the keys to my flat- that day bonnie came. You let them in my office to go and play that tepid game with her and you forgotten all about me, the woman who was carrying your child. I didn't know what to think" she looked down at her hands, now deciding her nails were suddenly interesting.

"I know and I'm sorry, I don't know what was going through my head. When Emma comes home with me when she is better, I want to you home with me too for permanent. We don't have to be together and you can have your own bedroom. I just what us all together?" he asked cautiously, looking up to Jac. Her head snapped up immediately, she was speechless, she was having trouble getting grasp of the complex situation. How could a simple closed question be so…..not simple?

**THANK YOU! Sorry for the cliff hanger and I don't know if I can update tomorrow. Please read and review. And add helpful criticism.**


	3. Chapter 3

**HEYY! Thank you for all the reviews and I am sorry that this chapter won't be very long because I just haven't had the time. AND ROSIE MARCEL IS PREGNANT I am sooo happy for her, although, and this might be a little selfish, she will leave holby for a long time. Please review I hope you like this chapter.**

"_I know and I'm sorry, I don't know what was going through my head. When Emma comes home with me when she is better, I want to you home with me too for permanent. We don't have to be together and you can have your own bedroom. I just what us all together?" he asked cautiously, looking up to Jac. Her head snapped up immediately, she was speechless, she was having trouble getting grasp of the complex situation. How could a simple closed question be so…..not simple?_

Although her face didn't show any emotion, in fact the message Jonny was getting loud and clear was a big fat no, Jac was actually contemplating agreeing. This could be the start of what she had always dreamed of, ever since her mother left her with no one to love and love her and not a thing to her name. A family. A group of people who would forever be by her side, which would care for her and she would care for in return. And maybe she and Jonny could be together again, as a couple. This time next year engaged or even married! But who would want to be with her?

She was going to say yes when the word got caught in her thought; she thought of Emma. She thought of what everyone had ever said to her: she was poison, she would produce the anti-Christ, and she is so cold they doubt she would even love her own child. No, she was sure she could do this with Jonny; with his help. But her barriers went up once again; she couldn't be hurt any more. She wouldn't be hurt anymore. She couldn't afford to, she was scared that if she did then that would be the end of the line for her.

"I mean it when I say she is better off without me" Jac spoke quietly and she turned to leave. If she didn't get out that room, she wasn't sure what she would do next, she just wanted to leap into his arms and exclaim to him her joy about what he had just said.

"SHE'S NOT!" Jonny yelled, lunging forward and grabbing her arm before she made her escape.

"She is not better off without you" he said lowering his voice now he had her attention "that is just something that I cruelly drilled into you head when you were vulnerable. She needs you"

"Why would she need me?" her voice was stern but wobbly

"Well, what about when she's older. When she is having boy troubles or needs her first bra or something. What about when she just wants a chat with someone who would understand her. God forbid, but I don't think I am the one she would want in the room when she has her own baby, do you?" Jonny argued with no hesitation, pulling her closer with every sentence. "You are strong, intelligent and _so_ passionate at what you do. Having you to influence her… there is no point in me even attempting to tell you how proud I would be of you _and_ her" he spoke softly to her. He began to slowly, gently stroke down her arm and to her hand, lovingly taking it in his. But that was it for Jac; she flinched away. The contact between them was starting to become unbearable never mind him trying to engulf her hand in his own. All the memories flooding into her mind and swirling around causing as much emotional havoc as a tidal wave an f5 hurricane combining together would make rampaging through a city of porcelain.

"What makes you think that I'm so strong?" she asked incuriously, building a dam to halt her tears in their tracks.

"Well, apart from our own experiences, I can't believe you're still here. If everything is true about Joseph and Allen Cloo-"the dam tumbled down and the emotions were suddenly released inside her. Coursing through her body and as sharp as knifes. Jonny stopped speaking seeing the change in her body language. She looked away as another salty tear dripped from her eye. Jonny looked at her, studying her.

"So they are true" he muttered under his breath. He notice Jac beginning to shake and so changed the subject to make it easier on her part, no matter how much he wanted her to share her painful memories with him. A problem shared is a problem halved after all, so why can't a nightmare shared be a fear halved.

"You look tired, weren't you on call last night?" he made his voice sound more casual.

"Yes, I was supposed to go home after that op but then Emma…" she let her voice trail off, trying to hide all her emotions once again.

"Why don't you go and have a little sleep in the on-call room?" Jonny instructed sternly but kept his voice soft.

"No, I don't want anything to happen and then me to be asleep" she explained, suddenly all her exhaustion catching up with her.

"Fine, I'll come with you, and if anything happens I can wake you up quickly" he stated determined or her to get some rest. She still hadn't answered his question and in her sleep deprived state he didn't think she would be able to give it a serious think.

"Fine" she sighed, putting her hands up in surrender, too tired to argue with him. He started to usher Jac out of the room guiding her gently with his hands on her hips, making sure she could change her mind and turn back. As they entered the room, Jonny pulled back the covers enough for Jac to slide in. He receive a questioning look from Jac and a roll of her eyes but pushed her look to the back of his mind and just nodded to the bed unaffected. She climbed in and he caringly pulled the covers up to her shoulders, as he had done with Emma last night and sat back in the chair next to the tall lamp. He turned the light down, but not off, bathing the room in an ocean of warm gold you would imagine to be given off in the most glorious of sunsets.

**THANK YOU! Please please review, you writers understand the thrill you get when you read them. I hope you enjoyed it and sorry it is so short but I don't have the time sorry.**


	4. Chapter 4

**HEYY! Sorry that I haven't updated in a couple of days but I have been quite busy. I also just want to say, I did do research beforehand, but I needed a way to get Emma to hospital, but the 'not waking up thing' isn't a sign of the syndrome she has got, so sorry for that and I hope that made sense. Just pretend she is sedated now. Please read and review I really love them. Enjoy!**

"_Fine" she sighed, putting her hands up in surrender, too tired to argue with him. He started to usher Jac out of the room guiding her gently with his hands on her hips, making sure she could change her mind and turn back. As they entered the room, Jonny pulled back the covers enough for Jac to slide in. He receive a questioning look from Jac and a roll of her eyes but pushed her look to the back of his mind and just nodded to the bed unaffected. She climbed in and he caringly pulled the covers up to her shoulders, as he had done with Emma last night and sat back in the chair next to the tall lamp. He turned the light down, but not off, bathing the room in an ocean of warm gold you would imagine to be given off in the most glorious of sunsets._

Every so often Jonny would pop his head round the door of the on-call room to look at the big hospital bed of his little girl and make sure everything was ok, as he promised he would, and so far not a signal problem would catch his eye. He got lost in the thought of how that hughmongus bed seemed to drown his baby girl in an ocean of white. Within only an hour of sleep a problem did arise, but it didn't come from Emma, the cause was Jac. She was becoming restless kicking and punching out at the air; mumbling incomprehensible words under her breath. Jonny gently said her name, but she didn't wake up. He stroked her arm and said her name a little bit louder, but that did not work. He stood up, looking over her and shook her roughly, yelling at her to wake up. Jac shot up and Jonny only just got out of the way before he had a head full of Naylor coming to knock him out. She was breathing heavily and her heart was booming out of her chest. She looked around the room frantically and as soon as her eyes set upon Jonny tears instantly began streaming rapidly down her face .again.

Jonny quickly, and on impulse, got up and sat down next to Jac on the bed, cupping her face in his hands, making Jac look him in the eyes.

"Calm down, you're ok" he reassured her softly, wiping his thumbs across her cheeks to rid her of the hot salty tears. If Jac was in her normal state of mind she would have yanked his hands away and start to yell at him, but she didn't. Jonny could see sh was still panicked. He saw this as his chance to make her think about moving in with him again, so he shuffled her up to him and cradled her gently to show her he wasn't going anywhere. He had a plan all laid out in his mind. He wanted him and Jac to get back together and he was getting closer. First he apologised and showed her it was his entire fault and now they were cuddling in a tight embrace. It didn't matter how it came round as long as it brought them closer. Next was to get her to open up to him. This isn't going to be easy, he thought.

Jac moved slightly and buried her head into Jonny's chest; they stayed like that for a little while longer. Jac had calmed down now and she knew what was happening, her barriers were falling. I shouldn't be letting him hold me like this, she thought. But now they were like this, she missed him; she missed his touch, his smell and the way he spoke softly to her. She was brought out of her thoughts when she felt jonny pull away from her slightly. He placed his hands on her shoulders and held her at arm's length. He looked in her eyes and she returned it.

"What's wrong? I have never seen you look that scared before" he asked her in the softest voice. He brought his hands up to her face so he couldn't look away.

"Nothing, I'm fine" she said pulling away as Jonny let his hands fall down onto his knees. Having jonny hold her and talk to her again hurt her. Yes they saw each other on a regular basis when Jac came round once a week to see Emma, but it was always awkward. They would hardly talk to each other and if they did it was always with spiteful hostility. Yesterday, they weren't even on speaking terms and now they he was staring at her; his face riddled with concern. It was all going a bit fast, but she couldn't stop it no matter how hard she fought.

"That wasn't 'nothing. You weren't even that distressed when you were in labour" he laughed a little hoping it would help her to talk to him.

"Why should I tell you?" she retorted

"Because…i-I care, and talking about it, can help" he spoke cautiously but there was a hidden tone of desperation as well. Jac sighed and gave up. She knew Jonny could be the most persistent person on earth if he wanted to.

"You-you spoke about…" She took a deep breath "… about Allan Clooney and- and Joseph." She stopped it was too hard to say their names never mind talk about them. She looked up at Jonny; he nodded so she carried on. "I loved Joseph so much, and… I guess part of me still does; I doubt I will ever stop loving him." Jonny's heart sank. Jac would never say anything like that about him so maybe he was just filling in the gap for her that Joseph made when he left. "But when I met you… and the first time I said that I loved you… I realised that I'm not _in_ love with him anymore. It's just the memories I love." This was so much harder than she thought it would be and she really appreciated that he just listened to her rather than trying to comfort her.

"Why did he leave?" he asked carefully

"He said that he needed a better life for harry, his son. He asked me to go with him, but I guess at that point in time we just needed different things, but it certainly didn't help with what had gone on between us in the past. We had a relationship that you could describe like ours- fractious. But when things were plain sailing…it was so good" she closed her eyes and screwed up her face as she thought of the times when they were happy together. A single tear slipped from her eye. "But our problem was that we were both so career driven. We were sneaky and vicious towards each other. He did some really bad things but the things I did were worse. I'm sure you've heard the rumours." She laughed a little trying to stop her voice from cracking "But in the end we always came back together. I think if we could have found out our problem before he left, then…I don't know… would we be engaged? Married?" she looked at Jonny and they looked meaningfully at each other. Jonny was holding back the tears and so was Jac. "Sorry. I shouldn't have told you all that." She cleared her throat pushing back the emotion and went to stand up. Jonny did the same. She wiped here cheeks with the back of her hands and left the room. Jonny stayed behind taking in what he had just heard. He was more determined than ever now to make her realise their feelings were still there, just clouded by guilt and fear.

**Sorry for the crap ending but thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Please drop me in a review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**HEYY! Ok this is where my writing starts to get a little rubbish because I haven't got any further chapters written up so the next chapters will probably be shorter and absolutely bull poo! But oh well and I am sorry I haven't updated in a while (I don't really have an excuse). As always please read and review.**

"_He said that he needed a better life for harry, his son. He asked me to go with him, but I guess at that point in time we just needed different things, but it certainly didn't help with what had gone on between us in the past. We had a relationship that you could describe like ours- fractious. But when things were plain sailing…it was so good" she closed her eyes and screwed up her face as she thought of the times when they were happy together. A single tear slipped from her eye. "But our problem was that we were both so career driven. We were sneaky and vicious towards each other. He did some really bad things but the things I did were worse. I'm sure you've heard the rumours." She laughed a little trying to stop her voice from cracking "But in the end we always came back together. I think if we could have found out our problem before he left, then…I don't know… would we be engaged? Married?" she looked at Jonny and they looked meaningfully at each other. Jonny was holding back the tears and so was Jac. "Sorry. I shouldn't have told you all that." She cleared her throat pushing back the emotion and went to stand up. Jonny did the same. She wiped here cheeks with the back of her hands and left the room. Jonny stayed behind taking in what he had just heard. He was more determined than ever now to make her realise their feelings were still there, just clouded by guilt and fear._

(In the oncall room)

Jonny smoothed his hand over the spiky stubble that occupied his chin. He took a couple of steps back, until the edge of the bed collided with the back of his knees forcing him to sit down. He was still trying to process all that Jac had said. It seemed that she really was head over heels for this man, but Jac had said that she was in love with him now not Joseph, but that still worried him a little. What if Joseph suddenly turned up out of the blue proclaiming that he had come back for her, would she take him back with open arms and push Jonny to the side. Maybe, but that was unlikely after what he had done to her, leaving her alone and Jac knew, Jonny hoped, that he would never leave her. They weren't together but that was all about to change, he thought.

(In the side bay)

Jac walking into the room where Elliot sat in the chair by her ill baby girl. She had gone into the toilets to put on a fresh layer of make up so that it didn't look like she had been upset, but you could still tell because her eyes were red and blotchy. If only you could put make up on your _actual _eyes, was the very weird thought that popped into Jac's head she reapplied her eye shadow.

"Jac, I'm just waiting for Emma to wake up, I have taken her off sedation. Are you alright?" Elliot started kindly.

"I'm fine Elliot" Jac replied but it was blatant that she was lying; he could see that she had been crying. The professor nodded. He knew not to intrude on what was going on in Jac's head. Sometimes she would talk to him but he could see that she wasn't going to do that today; she just wanted to be left alone. He stood up and patted her on the arm.

"I'll come back in a bit when she is awake to do more tests" he whispered softly in her ear, and then he left Emma, Jac and her thoughts together.

Twenty minutes later Jac found herself leaning forward in the chair previously vacated by Elliot. Her finger was enclosed in Emma's small, tight fist. It was only when Jac let her thoughts wander to her daughter, when she realised how small she was, she was still quite tiny. Well, tiny for a 16 month old baby anyway. But Jac put that own to her being delivered a month early and her CDH, though she wasn't quite sure how CDH factored in this equation and Emma was still full term when she did go into labour. She started to think about what this situation would be like if the circumstances were different and if Bonnie had never been on the scene. If Bonnie had never turned up, Jonny would have taken her key and they would be together now!

Her thoughts were interrupted as Jonny came in. she looked up at him and smiled briefly as he walked round and slowly started to stoke his little girls auburn hair again. Jac looked at his hand, and saw how much she meant to him, he only wanted the best for her and maybe he had a point about her traits of bloody minded determination rubbing of on Emma was a blessing more than a curse.

"Jonny!" her voice sounded with alarm. Once again Emma's hair was coming out in big clumps. Jonny looked down, following Jac's gaze. They stared at the short hairs that Jonny held in great quantity. What was happening with their baby?

"This I what happened this morning, what do we do?" he asked his voice dripping with panic; exaustedness.

"Call a paediatric doctor, they must know something more" Jac advised, although this was the first time he had seen this she was able to think rationally. At that moment Elliot walked in and Jonny told him to do exactly what Jac said. Jonny saw a single tear role don her cheek. He wanted to offer her some words of comfort but he knew none. Instead her walked around to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and stared into his eyes. She knew what he was wanting to say but was not wanting to lie either. Just then Emma shuffled a little and made a small gurgling noise. Jac and Jonny turned their heads back to their child and watched as she innocently opened here eves and puckered her lips before letting out a yawn bigger than thought possible. The parents let out a soft laugh. Jonny saw this as another moment to continue his plan, so riskily; he moved his hand down her arm and curled his big fingers around Jac's soft hand. It surprised him when she didn't pull away and instead returned the favour entwining her dainty digits with his.

**THNK YOU! Sorry this chapter isn't very long but I hope you like it and could I have some ideas please because I have ran out; that may contribute to the short chapter as well? if I receive some I can update quicker and I would like to say that it is very likely that I will be doing a sequel for 'lift babies' but only after I have finished the fic. Please review. xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**HEYY! Sorry I haven't updated in a while but I have been struggling with Ideas, my internet is being stupid and I have been on was so funny because our campsight was right next to a skydiving place and we were woken up one morning to this woman screaming her lungs out all the way down 10,000 feat. Anyway thank you to all the reviews I have got, you people are brilliant. Once again this chapter will be quite short but please read and review because they will make me update quicker and I still need ideas. Hope you enjoy!**

"_Call a paediatric doctor, they must know something more" Jac advised, although this was the first time he had seen this she was able to think rationally. At that moment Elliot walked in and Jonny told him to do exactly what Jac said. Jonny saw a single tear role don her cheek. He wanted to offer her some words of comfort but he knew none. Instead her walked around to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and stared into his eyes. She knew what he was wanting to say but was not wanting to lie either. Just then Emma shuffled a little and made a small gurgling noise. Jac and Jonny turned their heads back to their child and watched as she innocently opened here eves and puckered her lips before letting out a yawn bigger than thought possible. The parents let out a soft laugh. Jonny saw this as another moment to continue his plan, so riskily; he moved his hand down her arm and curled his big fingers around Jac's soft hand. It surprised him when she didn't pull away and instead returned the favour entwining her dainty digits with his._

Half an hour later and Jonny was sat in the chair next to the bed while he watched Jac tenderly playing with her daughter, tickling her feet and in return Emma would kick out and point to her mum. If only Jac could see herself with Emma, Jonny thought. He really wanted to bring the three of them together as a family. Both parents had stood, grasping each others hand gently for only 2 minutes but in his eyes it was 1 step closer to getting her back. The door gently swung open and DR Thomas, the paediatric consultant, walked in. he cleared his throat to make his presence known.

"Hi, I'm DR Thomas, the paediatric consultant, and I take it this is Emma?" Jac and Jonny nodded as they observed him walking to the end of the bed and picking up the notes. Dr Thomas was quite an ordinary looking man; he fitted the clichéd descripted man of every woman's dreams. He was tall around 6 ft. in height. He had chocolate brown, wavy hair with a neat edge, his eyes were big and blue and his body and face were in perfect per potion.

"Right ok, can you talk me through everything that has happened with symptoms and any concerns you might have?" he asked softly. Jac looked towards Jonny since he was the one who brought her in.

"Ok, um. Well I got up at night because she was crying and I couldn't settle her, I think he was in pain but I'm not sure and I think she was so exhausted he just fell asleep. Then in the morning she was still asleep and I started stroking her head and then when I looked the was a clump of her hair in my hands and then I tried to wake her up but she wouldn't so I brought her in here. I was just stroking hear head again not long ago and…" Jonny let his voice trail off as he nodded to the table beside Emma's bed were the little urbourn hairs lay.

"Ok-"DR Thomas was cut off by Jac

"Um, I just have one concern: she does look a bit small for her age. I was just wondering if that was normal or…" she let her voice trail off as she saw the doctor thinking and taking in the apprence of the little girl.

"I agree she does look a little small and her skin isn't really… I'm just going to take a blood sample." He had a very thoughtful look on his face and this made Jac and Jonny slightly suspicious.

"Do you think you know what it is? Is it something serious?" Jonny asked quickly. Dr Thomas finished taking the blood sample and looked at the parents. He wants really sure how to answer. He quickly held up the blood a rushed out of the room. Jac noticed that he was taking it down himself. She looked to Jonny but he was already engrossed in his daughter. A million and one thoughts were going through their heads. What was wrong? Is it serious? Would it go away or affect her for the rest of her life? But for Jac one question stuck out the most, was she sitting on borrowed time? Just then Jac noticed something with her baby.

"Jonny, look at her face" Jac nodded towards Emma.

"What?" he asked confusedly looking up at her then back at his little girl "I don't see anything "

"Exactly, look harder" Jonny studied his daughters face intently, straining his features into a frown as he realised. He stroked his finger just above Emma's eye. Nothing. Surly he should feel something.

"No eyebrows" he stated rather than asked. Jac nodded in response "or eyelashes" he didn't understand. What was going on?

Over an hour had passed since the realisation of Emma's hair loss. Jac looked up at Jonny, staring at the worn out look on his face. He was tired, Jac could tell. Well it was to be expected. He hadn't slept for just under 48 hours, living only off of coffee; how he managed Jac didn't know. Well, she did considering she pretty much used to do that when she worked a double shift and instead of sleeping when he got home she just watched TV.

"I'm going to grab a coffee, do you want anything" she asked.

"Can you get me a black coffee with sugar please?" he asked. He usually hated black coffee, it was too bitter, but he needed the caffeine and the sugar would give him energy too. Jac nodded and got up off the chair and headed out of the room and down to pulses. She had just ordered herself a hot chocolate and Jonny's coffee when she saw Sacha approaching her.

"Hi, how is Emma?" the surgeon asked softly as he enveloped Jac into his arms and for once Jac accepted it, wrapping her arms around him and not caring who saw.

"Well, she looks perfectly happy, but she is on a little bit of morphine to help settle her so she was obviously in pain. We still don't know what's wrong with her though" she answered Sacha exhaustedly, looking down at the floor, hoping her watery eyes would go unnoticed.

"She'll be fine, if she is anything like her mum that is" he joked hoping to cheer he up a bit, but unfortunately, it had the reverse effect.

"God, why does everybody keep saying that?" she asked rhetorically as she picked up her coffees and started walking away.

"Because it's true" Sacha said as he caught up with her as she walked towards the stairs.

"No it's not. I'm not strong- I'm ignorant, I'm not determined- I'm scared, I'm not amazing; I gave up my baby for crying out loud. I'm not a saint I'm just a cruel, thoughtless woman with a heart made of stone" she babbled on climbing the stairs at a quick pace before she turned to look at Sacha just as she reached the double doors to her ward. He began to slowly shake his head looking down at the floor in disbelief before raising his had to look her in the eye.

"No, you see, that's not what I see when I look at you. When I look at you I see a vulnerable little girl who has built walls around her, isolating herself from the outside world in order to stop herself being hurt again. Now this little girls' walls have given her a fake personality that made people talk about her and say horrible things to her. She has been misled to believe those words, when they are simply not true" he spoke meaningfully. A small tear escaped Jac's eye at what he said. No one had ever spoken to her like that before. No, there was one other person- Jonny.

"Come and see her, Emma" she said quietly. Sacha nodded in return and opened the door for her then followed her through to Emma's side bay. As they entered they found Jonny asleep in the chair so Jac put his coffee down on the side and went over and stood at the end of Emma's as Sacha went round to play with her.

"Hello my little fray cake!" Sacha said loudly earning himself a little giggle from her. Jac watched as her best friend made funny faces to Emma making her giggle louder and louder each time. Jac loved it when she laughed, to her ears there was no better sound. She wouldn't deny that she missed her daughter but neither would she admit it. Maybe Jonny had a point about buying a house together so Emma could live with both her parents. But Jonny had also said that they didn't need to be together and they could sleep in separate rooms, however, what about when they entered relationships with different people. It would simply be too hard for her, although she would never say it she still loved Jonny and seeing him with someone else would hurt too much. Jonny would get snapped up pretty quickly, he's funny, goofy, can be romantic, understanding and sympathetic, handsome and his thick Scottish accent was truly irresistible. He was perfect in every way possible. Maybe Jonny loves her too? Why would he be trying so hard if he didn't? She had to find out. An idea struck her just as Sacha's pager went off. Perfect.

"Oh, sorry princess I have to go, bye Jac I hope she gets better soon. Would it be ok if I came and saw her after my shift?" he asked solemnly.

"Yes" she replied gratefully. She was happy she had Sacha to support her. Jac watched as Sacha left the room and walk off the ward. Jonny was still asleep in the chair and Jac gazed at him as his chest rose and fell in a slow rhythm, synchronised to his breaths. She slowly walked over to him and crouched down in front of the chair. It's now or never, she thought. She lent in and tenderly kissed his sleeping lips. It took Jonny a couple of seconds before he woke properly and still with his eyes closed he responded passionately, pulling Jac up to sit on his knee.

"What?" Jonny asked smiling as they pulled apart.

"You're right, about me, you and Emma moving in together. But..." she took a deep breathe, was she finally opening up to him? "..I can't live in the same house as you and not be with you and waiting for you to bring home a girlfriend and then for you to marry her and leave me and I just. I can't. I-"Jac began speaking faster and faster as her eyes darted around the room rapidly, unable to make eye contact but was interrupted by Jonny's lips on hers.

"It's ok, I know" he said softly. Jac laid her head down on his chest as they watched their daughter happily looking around and fiddling with her toes.

**THANK YOU! Ok, This chapter was longer than I thought it would be and I'm sorry if moves to fast or whatever. I hope you liked it please review. I love reading them! Xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**HEYY! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, it was my first week back at school. I have to say year 9 isn't what I thought it would be but hey- ho. Anyway, here is the next chapter please read and review.**

"_Yes" she replied gratefully. She was happy she had Sacha to support her. Jac watched as Sacha left the room and walk off the ward. Jonny was still asleep in the chair and Jac gazed at him as his chest rose and fell in a slow rhythm, synchronised to his breaths. She slowly walked over to him and crouched down in front of the chair. It's now or never, she thought. She lent in and tenderly kissed his sleeping lips. It took Jonny a couple of seconds before he woke properly and still with his eyes closed he responded passionately, pulling Jac up to sit on his knee._

"_What?" Jonny asked smiling as they pulled apart._

"_You're right, about me, you and Emma moving in together. But..." she took a deep breathe, was she finally opening up to him? "..I can't live in the same house as you and not be with you and waiting for you to bring home a girlfriend and then for you to marry her and leave me and I just. I can't. I-"Jac began speaking faster and faster as her eyes darted around the room rapidly, unable to make eye contact but was interrupted by Jonny's lips on hers._

"_It's ok, I know" he said softly. Jac laid her head down on his chest as they watched their daughter happily looking around and fiddling with her toes._

That's it, he has done it. Well, not the way he had planned but all that mattered was they were back together. And did she mention marriage? he thought to himself. He wrapped his strong arm around jacs skinny frame. He looked down at her and noticed her eyes closed tightly and her body was limp. He let her stay like that but grasped her a little more tightly to prevent her slipping off the chair. Jonny realised that he was happy, content, and she looked that way too. Ever since Jac and he had split up he had felt different, even when he had bonnie. He was always more depressed and had a shorter temper, never mind that he and Mo rarely talked outside of work now.

He was brought out of his thoughts as Jac stirred from her sleep. It took her a minuet to remember he was encased in Jonny's arms, but as she did a huge smile sliced its way along her cheeks. So it wasn't just another dream!

"Hey, you have a nice sleep, because I don't think my legs have?" he joked softly. As she looked up at him.

"Oh, um, yeah sorry" she stutted as she slowly got off of his knee. Jonny got up and walked around to the side of the hospital cot and Jac did the same after straightening out her clothes. The parents linked hands over the cot while looking at their daughter. They marvelled about how easy this seamed. It was as if there never was a bonnie, they had never split up and they were the typical family (without the marriage of course) but Jonny was sure we could get that.

Just then the door to the side room opened and in walked Dr. Thomas. Jac and Jonny instantly let go of each other's hand and Jonny came round to jacs side of the bed. The doctor had a look on his face that neither Jac nor Jonny could read and an envelope n his hand.

"Do you know what it is?" asked Jonny urgently.

"Well, I have some good news and bad news, which do you want first?" he asked while both parents looked on at him, desperately praying for it to be something simple.

"Good" they both replied simultaneously.

"Ok, this is a very rear condition and it could have taken years to diagnose, however, I have recently been on a course for this and recognised the signs and symptoms, and it is good we diagnosed it quickly. The bad news is it is a condition that shortens the person's life span to around 8 to 21 years of age if you are lucky, I am so sorry" he explained solemnly.

"Ok, you've told us an implication but not what it is!" Jac stated getting angry, though she didn't know why; it was probably just the shock and needing to take it out on someone. Jonny grabbed her hand, a gesture to calm her down, and he noticed how jacs grip tinted around it.

"You're daughter has Hutchinson-Guilford Progaria Syndrome. It's most commonly known as Progaria. Are you familiar with this?" he could see from the look on jacs face that she knew exactly but Jonny he, he saw, hadn't got a clue.

"This disease causes a person to age prematurely. It is generally diagnosed in children who are 18 months to two years old. Symptoms include stiff joints, dislocated hips, hair loss, aged-looking skin, strokes and heart disease. People with Progaria live an average of 8 to 21 years, with heart disease being the most common cause of death." He explained and swiftly left the room after telling the parents if they have any questions to contact him.

Unfortunately for Jonny, he could tell instantly that jacs walls had gone straight up, as she stood there string at her babies monitor.

"Jac?" he spoke wearily ass he cautiously walked up to her.

"What are we going to do" her voice cracked with emotion, which surprised Jonny a little bit. He walked up behind her and spun her around by her shoulders and pulled her into an embrace. Jac wrapped her arms around him, figuring he needed more support than she did. A sob came from Jonny and she knew he was trying to hide it. She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes.

"We are going to get through this, and we will give Emma the best life in the world. Ok?" she said as tears spilled down her eyes too. Jonny nodded his head and getting rid of his tears. He knew Jac was just being strong for him, and the look on her face told him that she was trying desperately not to break down. But this was wrong, it's supposed to be him supporting her and drying her tears, not the other way around. He engulfed her in his grip. They stood there for a few minutes before Jac broke the silence.

"I can't lose her. It was a medical I even had her. I don't want to be a mother without a child, I don't know if I could do that" she spoke her fears out loud for the first time. Jonny pulled away and held onto her hands.

"You never know. You can do a lot in a short space of time, they might come up with a cure or medication to halt it or something" Jonny spoke positively, but he knew it would be unlikely. For now though, it was all they had.

**THANK YOU! This chapter is very short but I really am stuck for ideas, I might just stop there and do a sequel but if you want me to carry on I NEED ideas. Thanks for reading I know it is crap but I am tired so… please review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**HEYY! Is it just me, or next to no-one updating, reading or reviewing fan fiction anymore. It's as dead as no man's land. Sorry if you are reading and you thought this was an update and I really want it to be but I am really stuck. Did have an initial idea as to where this is going but it seems to be taking longer than I thought to get there and I don't really know how to carry this on, so I am going to take a break and maybe start a sequel to lift babies or start another frantic. I will carry this on but I am not exaggerating when I say I REALLY NEED IDEAS! But thank you for reading so far and I want you to know that when I start something I do like to finish it.**


End file.
